How Open Should a Relationship Be?

So, it's been a long time since I wrote a blog -- things were busy at work and then sad inside. I mean, things are great -- my job is great, I'm starting to meet new people and have local friends -- but still no boy and no boy in sight. I'm not sure why this depresses me so much -- but it does. And then last week the blast from the past Mr. Can't Commit started sniffing around. Telling me how we should talk -- a guy who wants to talk? I figured this must mean he's finally come to his senses -- except it didn't -- unless his senses are what's telling him that at 39 years old he hasn't gotten laid enough. Seriously?? He wants to sleep with me and sleep with anyone else who crosses his path. Has he met me?

I walked into Murder Mystery after getting off the phone with him and really didn't tell the Art Thief anything and she asked for both Mr. Can't Commit and my birthdays. After adding 8 + 13 + 1970 she declared him moody, logical and emotional and someone who is conflicted about what he wants. Then she added my numbers and she pronounced me someone who needs commitment. Yep. That's scary right.

Sure, he's not Mr. Right but can I make him Mr. Right Now? Can I even deal with that? I'm trying not to panic that my sex clock is ticking -- it's like my baby clock (which has been turned off) but what if I never have sex again. I look good -- really good for 40 -- hell, for 35 -- hell, for 30! And yet, I can't seem to get laid -- since I left Ex Husband #2, I've only slept with Mr. Can't Commit and that was maybe 10 times of which 2 were actually good of which 1 of those involved actual intercourse. Which was why I was shocked last week when we kissed and it was one of the best makeout sessions of my life. So good that I'm almost ready to say Sure, let's have an open relationship that will make me more crazy that I am! But if I say yes, I get to have sex, right? And if I say no, I get to shrivel up and die a little longer.

I know I shouldn't be panicking -- people don't die at 40 -- die from not being touched, I mean. But sometimes I feel like I might.