Let's try to share this sandbox, ok?

Sometimes I wonder if I joined a university community or a kindergarten. Seriously, folks, why do people care about maintaining their petty fiefdoms? Ok, I'm 40 now and it's true, I've mellowed A LOT -- but I can still get riled about stuff as much as the next person -- just the stuff I now chose to get riled over isn't whether someone is taking work from me -- if you want to take parts of my job feel free I've got a full in-box sitting right here with something else to occupy my time.

Small people who tie up our minds, time and hearts with their tantrums just eat away at my soul. I feel exhausted -- like need medication exhausted. I work hard. Damn hard. I'm not trying to take credit for something you've done, or step on your toes, or take over the universe. I'm just trying to accomplish my to-do list and not get fired. Really those are my goals. Why are your goals to supervent me and gun for me trying to make me look bad?

Please don't use the word 'need' in emails to me as in: "You need to do such and such". Yeah, no I don't. And I learned way back in my first job when I was a mere 24 years old at Easter Seals that you never say that to another adult. (I got my head handed to me on a collections call when I told a woman she needed to make her payment -- word choice can get you the world or slam the door shut).

I'm trying to play nice. Let's face it for an only child who has been told her whole life that she's selfish (and the ex added the b word to that adjective regularly) this has been a journey -- one that I'm still on -- but I try to share, be inclusive, and take a deep breath before I speak. How about you try the same?

Sooo sleepy

Ok - I don't think I could be more tired. Ok, ok, I know I could but right now I'm damn near exhausted. Stressed for sure as the more I try to do here the more road blocks I run up against. Also, I feel like every day I get an email asking me for a major project -- 3 year plan, departmental assessment document, job description for staff etc etc etc. I'm not sure when I'm going to do any of this and unlike most of the other folks on the east coast, I'm actually hoping for another snow day -- I actually got work done on the day Salve closed early and I could go home and sit on the couch with kitties. Maybe the constant phone ringing, dance studio noise and meetings are cutting into my powers of concentration -- in fact I think they are actually krytonite to those particular powers.

Don't really want to complain -- I've got a super job and I love it. But when you have five meetings just to get online ticketing approved I feel like my time is seriously being wasted. Especially with the spector of the 3 year plan, departmental assessment and staff job descriptions hanging over me. Time for me to figure out how to budget my time a bit better (I know, I know -- should I really be blogging right now?) but sometimes I need to go to the gym, and see a movie and watch Chelsea Lately. Those are the things that keep me (somewhat) sane.

Exhausted by Thursday

Another long week in Newport and it's only Thursday. I guess it's good that I don't have a boyfriend or kids 'cuz there's no way I'd have any energy for them. Everyday at work is exhausting - so many meetings, so many landmines to avoid, so much to tinker with, remember, look-up, teach, plan, read . . . AHHHH

I'm doing good work. I know that. Sometimes I get scared - am I smart enough? Good enough? After all I went from adjunct teaching to full-time one person department. I never had to think about curriculum and now I'm overhauling it. Am I really ready for this? I ask myself this every day. I love this job. I need this job. And I'm really trying at this job so hopefully I'll still have this job when my contract expires -- but yes, I think about the fact that this life has an expiration date -- obviously I need to be enjoying today but it's hard to enjoy anything when I realize how much more I have to do and how much more is expected of me.

I joked before I started this job that as long as I don't burn the place down I will have succeeded. Now I don't feel that way - now I'm really invested - in the kids, in the future of the organization and in the department. I have employees and students that it's my job to help - every day - yeah, I need a nap!

Held auditions for the spring play (talk about pressure!) this week. Cast the show from the 22 kids who showed up - including my two leads who I've been warned about -- I've never been one to listen to someone else's opinion or judge someone for the life they lead off the stage -- I just hope I haven't created even more problems for myself. Only time will tell, of course, and they were the right students to cast so with this intell hopefully I'll be able to avoid problems.

Off again this weekend for NH - this time for the annual theatre awards. Hopefully next weekend I can finally spend time in my new hometown and see some sights. I think a little sight seeing might just be the jolt I need to feel better and not so stressed about everything.