Exhausted by Thursday

Another long week in Newport and it's only Thursday. I guess it's good that I don't have a boyfriend or kids 'cuz there's no way I'd have any energy for them. Everyday at work is exhausting - so many meetings, so many landmines to avoid, so much to tinker with, remember, look-up, teach, plan, read . . . AHHHH

I'm doing good work. I know that. Sometimes I get scared - am I smart enough? Good enough? After all I went from adjunct teaching to full-time one person department. I never had to think about curriculum and now I'm overhauling it. Am I really ready for this? I ask myself this every day. I love this job. I need this job. And I'm really trying at this job so hopefully I'll still have this job when my contract expires -- but yes, I think about the fact that this life has an expiration date -- obviously I need to be enjoying today but it's hard to enjoy anything when I realize how much more I have to do and how much more is expected of me.

I joked before I started this job that as long as I don't burn the place down I will have succeeded. Now I don't feel that way - now I'm really invested - in the kids, in the future of the organization and in the department. I have employees and students that it's my job to help - every day - yeah, I need a nap!

Held auditions for the spring play (talk about pressure!) this week. Cast the show from the 22 kids who showed up - including my two leads who I've been warned about -- I've never been one to listen to someone else's opinion or judge someone for the life they lead off the stage -- I just hope I haven't created even more problems for myself. Only time will tell, of course, and they were the right students to cast so with this intell hopefully I'll be able to avoid problems.

Off again this weekend for NH - this time for the annual theatre awards. Hopefully next weekend I can finally spend time in my new hometown and see some sights. I think a little sight seeing might just be the jolt I need to feel better and not so stressed about everything.