Can a clememtine make it all better?

Why do I think Mr. Can't Commit might be ready to commit when he's not even here??? Why do I convince myself that just becuz he finally told me I looked good he might realize that I'm the best thing to happen to him since cheese (ok, he really loves cheese). Why do I keep this fantasy that he'll wake up one day and -- okay, just waking up next to me would be a start! UGH

So, last week he started calling me again. Like every day. And every day I didn't take the call until finally I did. We spent an hour on the phone catching up last Thurs. I was on my way to spend my last $7 on a turkey sub at D'Angelo's (yeah, I really wanted the sub - don't judge) and instead sat for 45 minutes in their parking lot while all the customers looked at me and wondered who the crazy chick in the car with the NH plates was. At the end of this Hey, what have you been up to for the past 2 months session, he stated his determination to come to Newport to visit me either the weekend of the the 13th (aka tomorrow) or the 27th. I informed him that I was on my way to NH for five days and wouldn't that be easier? So, he asked me to call him when I got to town the next day.

And I didn't. I mean I was gonna but I'm sooo on the fence about him and wondering what the hell is going on. So, he called me at 7pm and was like, Are you in town? Ah, yeah. So, we decided to get together on Monday night. Then I did what I try not to do. I called him at 4:30 on Monday -- hello, Miss Too Eager. Cool them jets. So, he called me back at 5:30 and we decided to get together at 7:30. However, 7:30 came and went. And 8:00 came and went. I tried not to look pathetic on Baby Mama's couch but since I was clutching my cell phone I don't think it worked.

At 8:15 he calls and says he can't go out but I can drive 15 minutes to see him. Umm, thanks, I say, but no thanks. Then he gets all pouty and says he really wanted to talk to me and was hoping to see me. What?? Why?? Who knows because I didn't ask -- I just said Ok. This was when Baby Mama used that PhD in Psych to totally mind shrink me -- she said You're annoyed. Yeah. "Because you think you'll go there and he'll tell you that he loves you and needs you?" No, becuz he won't. "Right, you're afraid you'll drive out there and he'll ask you for help on his paper." Bingo.

So, I put on makeup, brush my teeth and head out. And when I get there - the driveway lights are on and the door is open. (this is actually an improvement from when I used to go over). But then he says hello and launches into a monologue about his custody battle. Seriously for like 40 minutes (or 4 hours -- it's hard to tell as I can't find a clock in the room and it feels rude to pull out my phone to ck the time). Finally he takes a breath and offers me food. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna leave so I say no thanks. But he comes back over with 2 clementines -- peels the first and hands it to me. Shows me the sticker on the 2nd that says, Cutie, and tells me that it's for me. So, I take it and stick it on my jacket. Now we're getting somewhere.

The rest of the evening is fine and I decide to leave around 11:30 as he has to work in the morning. That's when I get the obligatory kiss goodnight. Nothing to write home about but I don't kiss my guy friends like that so . . . Then I head out to the porch to leave and this is when he finally looks at me (been sitting on the couch next to him for 3 hours, folks) and says that I look like one of those ladies in the show about the city. "Um, Sex and the City?" I offer. "Right," he says. "Oookay," I reply. "I mean it as a compliment," he says. Then he says my hair looks darker -- did I dye it? Probably since I haven't seen him in 2 mos but I don't remember -- what I do know is that my appt. is actually the next day which I inform him of. Then we quickly kiss a few more times and I'm outta there. Weird.

So, will he show up on the 13th as threatened? Well, that call came today -- no, no he will not. He has to work on the aforementioned paper for grad school. Ooookay. But then he proceeds to tell me how sorry he is, how much he liked seeing me, how good I looked, how great my hair looked, I didn't need to get it done, and when he comes on the 27th he wants to take me out to dinner, restaurant of my choice. Oooookay. So, are we dating again? I mean, WTF?! Baby Mama told me that if I let him he'll just start up where we left off -- and it feels that way -- but I still feel the same -- if he won't commit -- just by calling me his girlfriend -- that's all I want -- if he can't do that still then I'm still not interested in 'hanging out'. I'm 40 not 14. And after 12 years, I deserve better.

Tonight on the phone, he said, "You treat me so good." Yep, I do. So did he wake up and realize it or is this more of the same and am I willing to find out? Stay tuned for next week's episode of Men who can't commit!